Because What You Don’t Know, Will Embarrass You. What should you do if your baby shrieks at a wedding or “stealth vomits” on an innocent bystander? How can you use your child to avoid old friends you never liked in the first place? Is there a polite way to encourage cash baby-shower gifts or determine whether or not your babysitter is insane? Are there special rules for parentally impaired drivers? Eats, Poops & Leaves has the answers to all these questions and more, offering polite yet innovative solutions to the etiquette situations—from the mundane to the bizarre—that confront all new parents, including: Travel Etiquette: What to do when your baby screams on a plane Workplace Etiquette: How to use your child (or your friend's!) as an excuse for tardiness and incompetence Beauty Etiquette: Do strangers confuse your bald baby girl for a boy? We've got solutions. Lots of books teach you how to change diapers, but this is the first book that will help you trick your spouse into doing it. At last, a hip, hysterical, illustrated etiquette guide to the things new parents really need to know.