“This book is absurdly funny! It made me laugh so hard (out loud, even!) that I almost collapsed a lung. Truly the queerest joy I have ever felt!” **— Samantha Irby, New York Times bestselling author “Eliot Glazer’s voice must be heard. In a world of A+ gays with fitness routines all designed to cookie cut you into the same mold, take some tips from the opposite of that, and start to live life, dammit!” — Jinkx Monsoon, winner of RuPaul's Drag Race and star of Oh, Mary! From comedian Eliot Glazer comes a hilarious and heartfelt essay collection for Las Culturistas listeners, 30 Rock fanatics, and any reader who wishes David Sedaris were just a tad filthier.** Comedian and writer Eliot Glazer may occasionally get some stuff right, but being gay is not one of them. Poppers make him dizzy. Parties make him panicked. And the term “guncle” makes him queasy. When it comes to being part of the LGBTQ+ community, Eliot just can’t seem to find his shade of the rainbow, which is precisely why he repeatedly suggests a grayscale one instead (although no one seems to listen). In a community built around the “chosen family,” Eliot can’t even get adopted. The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Gay is for anyone who fully spirals while shopping for a throw pillow, does breathing exercises before entering a pool party, or has a full-fledged breakdown after accidentally dyeing their fake front tooth bubblegum blue amid a torrid affair with a guy under house arrest. (Okay, that might just be Eliot, but it’s one hell of a story.) This collection of essays is for Las Culturistas listeners, 30 Rock fanatics, and any reader who wishes David Sedaris were just a tad filthier. Eliot’s laugh-out-loud yet quietly heartbreaking stories capture the glory, chaos, and contradictions of queer modern life—a rallying cry for anyone who’s ever felt like the odd one out, the minority within the minority, and the one who always seems to “do it wrong.”